Early February 2024 Miscellany

A little less highbrow than other iterations, but perhaps of use all the same.

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Are you in need of a random background table for your next Character? Get out three d1000 and roll them in any order.

Using the United States Department of Labour's Dictionary of Occupational Titles we have a wealth of material! This was published between the 1930s and 1990s, and clearly has roots in that style of mid-century managerialism and compromise between state and corporation. Flipping through entries brings to mind all manner of stereotypes about vast sprawling heartless bureaucracies - but you shouldn't spurn it for this reason. In its precision (or, rather, precise tone) and comprehensive overview, it can suggest a possibilities of focus one never contemplated otherwise. 

Example: You roll:  231 - 503 - 034

There's no exact match, but we have something either side.

230.687-010 ADVERTISING-MATERIAL DISTRIBUTOR (any industry) alternate titles: distributor, advertising material

    Distributes advertising material, such as merchandise samples, handbills, and coupons, from house to house, to business establishments, or to persons on street, following oral instructions, street maps, or address lists. May be designated according to type of advertising material distributed as Handbill Distributor (any industry); Pamphlet Distributor (any industry); Sample Distributor (any industry).

GOE: 07.07.02 STRENGTH: L GED: R1 M1 L1 SVP: 2 DLU: 77

and

235.132-010 CENTRAL-OFFICE-OPERATOR SUPERVISOR (tel. & tel.)

    Supervises and coordinates activities of CENTRAL-OFFICE OPERATORS (tel. & tel.) engaged in operating telephone switchboards: Conducts on-the-job training for inexperienced operators. Assists operators in placing unusual types of calls. May discuss service problems directly with customers. Performs other duties as described under SUPERVISOR (clerical) Master Title.

GOE: 07.04.06 STRENGTH: L GED: R4 M2 L3 SVP: 6 DLU: 77

Round up or down, according to choice. 

Not enough for you? Well, lets get out of the clerical and sales section.

689.387-010 CLOTH GRADER (textile) alternate titles: cloth classer; hand inspector; seconds grader; seconds inspector; table inspector

    Classifies cloth into grades according to number of defects: Examines cloth for defects marked in previous inspection and determines whether corrections can be made to restore cloth to standard quality. Cuts defects from cloth with scissors or routes cloth to mending, dyeing, or refinishing department for reprocessing. Classifies cloth that cannot be restored to first quality according to standards for various grades. Records disposition of cloth rehandled. May inform weaving room of repeated imperfections requiring loom adjustments.

GOE: 06.03.01 STRENGTH: L GED: R3 M1 L2 SVP: 5 DLU: 77

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550.685-010 BATCH MIXER (soap & rel.)

    Tends mixer that compounds cleaning powder: Opens valves to admit specified quantities of ingredients into mixer or weighs and dumps ingredients into mixer, using scale. Presses button or moves lever to activate mixer that blends ingredients for designated time. Stops machine and opens valve to discharge cleaning powder into storage bins. May draw sample of blended ingredients for laboratory analysis. May keep production log.

GOE: 06.04.19 STRENGTH: M GED: R2 M1 L1 SVP: 3 DLU: 77

--

613.362-018 ROUGHER (steel & rel.) alternate titles: bulldogger

    Operates roughing mill roll stands to reduce steel billets, blooms, and slabs to specified dimensions, using knowledge of rolling practices and steel properties: Reads rolling order to determine setup specifications. Installs rolling equipment, such as roll stands, guides, bar turners, and repeaters on rolling line, using handtools, bars, levers, and sledges. Moves controls to set specified draft between rolls at each stand. Observes color of heated steel to determine rolling temperature and starts roughing stands. Examines product passing through mill for surface defects, such as scratches and cracks. Verifies specified gauge of product after each pass, using calipers. Gives directions to mill crew in readjusting roll draft and realigning guides. May set up and monitor computerized roughing roll stands. May be designated according to type of mill operated as Rougher, Bar Mill (steel & rel.); Rougher, Hot-Strip Mill (steel & rel.); Rougher, Merchant Mill (steel & rel.).

GOE: 06.02.02 STRENGTH: L GED: R3 M3 L3 SVP: 7 DLU: 78

--

737.387-010 DROP TESTER (ordnance)

    Tests cartridge primers for sensitivity to impact by dropping weight onto sample primers from measured heights: Secures primer or primed cartridge case in test fixture and positions firing pin over primer. Raises steel ball in electromagnetic holder to specified height on calibrated column. Presses switch to cut power from electromagnet which drops ball onto firing pin in test fixture to detonate primer. Tests groups of primers from same production sample at several specified drop-heights, and records percentage of fires and misfires at each height. May plot test results on graph to develop primer sensitivity curve, or apply standardized statistical formulas to estimate sensitivity characteristics of entire production lot of primers.

GOE: 06.03.01 STRENGTH: L GED: R3 M3 L2 SVP: 3 DLU: 77

--

[Obligatory snigger.]

825.361-014 VIBRATOR-EQUIPMENT TESTER (machinery mfg.) alternate titles: tester, vibrator equipment; top-lift and automatic-window repairer

    Tests electrical and mechanical vibrator feeders and conveyors for conformance to specifications: Clips cable of test board to electric vibrator equipment. Turns dials and observes meters to operate electric vibrator equipment at specified cycle, voltage, and amperage levels. Holds end of scale against vibrator equipment to pick up vibration. Reads scale mark that shows distinct double image and determines vibrating frequency on conversion chart. Starts motor of mechanical vibrator equipment and verifies vibrating frequency. Advises ASSEMBLER (machinery mfg.) to add or remove vibrator bars from electrical vibrator equipment or weights from drive shaft of mechanical vibrator equipment, to correct vibrating deficiencies. May inspect vibrator equipment for loose bearings and bolts, using stethoscope. Records test data.

GOE: 06.01.05 STRENGTH: L GED: R3 M3 L3 SVP: 6 DLU: 77

-- 

I find some of these quietly fascinating. "Did you know that XYZ was a job? Do you reckon it still is?" (Which presumably says something a little unflattering about a desk worker as myself.) Anyway, one to use for Electric Bastionland?

***

Does Heraldry seem too mainstream for your new campaign? Do you spurn mon that you may ward off the label  'Nipponophile'?  Perhaps you can consider horse-racing colours!

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Charles Sargeant Jagger: a British sculptor, whose most prominent work is the Royal Artillery Memorial in London. The clearly-lined central howitzer is certainly eye-catching (Wikipedia calls it Phallic). The artillerymen round the edge are fascinating pieces of realism - the gunner's harness full of shells and exposed, bulging forearms are noteworthy.

(Said shells are definitely not ones meant to go in the howitzer - which is a breech-loading 9.2 inch howitzer, firing an eye-watering 290lb shell.)

His work in less specifically historical pieces have an more distinct Art Deco line - as, perhaps, this image of Britannia, or these lions. He died in 1934, but this all looks like it would fit in quite well to something in the 50s - as the Festival of Britain logo. 

To return to an old punching-bag, it's something Fallout: London might have found of use. Returning to that soon-to-be-completed project, incidentally, there are a few signs of something a trifle less stereotypical - as the use here of 'Protect and Survive' iconography. Still a bit less than focused, though. ('Constable Cruel' indeed!)

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A recent find: Urgent Copy, a 1968 collection of literary essays and reviews by Anthony Burgess. I have found that I prefer Burgess's non-fiction to his fiction (if you want a flavour of both, try 1985), so was delighted to find this. Burgess is clear in his introduction that this is journalism (hence the title) - but I think it a rung or two above that. A good review, which hasn't been written with too many refereences to that year's fashions or people or debates can help you pin down your own views by acting as a fixed point. 

A certain amount of it, therefore, is given to decades-old literary debates. I have little objection to this; I find Burgess's style fairly readable and have enough assorted background knowledge to skate through pieces on things I've never read. It's not like this is homework, though I suspect the sheer number of authors mean that Urgent Copy could profitably be used in an intense course surveying English literature. 

Further, there is a use in reading over old literary debates - aside from the fact that you may find a faction to your liking. If you know how this stuff has sintered out in the past, there's an extent to which you won't get bent out of shape by it when it crops up again. Cf. These discussions of Milton.

Burgess's subjects include: Milton, Kipling, Dickens, Joyce, Shaw, Saul Bellow, Waugh, Greene, Harriet Beecher Stowe, Bagehot, Marlowe, The Brothers Grimm. The pieces sometimes relate to a new book or a new edition of some work (as the first volume of Waugh's autobiography, or Robert Graves's 1967 translation of The Rubaiyat - inevitable comparison with Fitzgerald). 

There is also a few pieces dealing with censorship and cultural shifts - 'What is Pornography?' is a fascinating essay to look back on. 

More diverting is Burgess's review 'The Democracy of Prejudice' of Fifty Works of English Literature We Could Do Without by Brophy, Levey and Osborne. It steps away from the discussion of an author's work or influence, and instead looks at a contemporary piece of popular criticism. Burgess is in an entertaining and vitriolic mode. It's curiously familiar, modern-feeling both for a 'Digital Era' spiky, combative style and 'Who stays in the canon' content and/or discussion. I know next to nothing about Fifty Works... other than what I have read of it. Here and here are two modern reviews. I note in passing that I have read perhaps half of the Fifty Works mentioned (often without the urging of a schoolmaster, sometimes even on this blog!) before ever hearing of Brigid Brophy, Michael Levey or Jonathan Osborne. 

[If you wish to review the contents for yourself, check the first exterior link.]

You may wish to compare this to Burgess's own Ninety-Nine Novels: The Best in English since 1939 — A Personal Choice (An occasionally eclectic list, Cf. PJS-led discussions of the Hidden Genre Canon). The International Anthony Burgess Foundation has a podcast centred around these - I've not found the few I've listened to terribly interesting so far, but you may differ. 

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There has been a second series of the radio series Medici, subtitled 'The Inheritors'. The first series was discussed as part of this post, along with much other of Mike Walker's work. The inheritors in question are Alessandro de Medici and Catherine de Medici.

Alessandro I hadn't heard of - granted, he died fairly quickly in an assassination attempt as part of a sexual encounter. Catherine Johnson wrote his episode, which dwells on his reputed Moorish ancestry. I've only made a brief survey of the field, but this appears to be at least somewhat disputed by historians. Certainly, he was nicknamed 'The Moor' and the rumour that his mother was a slave was repeated after his death. His portraits certainly show a man with darker skin and tight curly hair - though obviously in the same costume and context as other wealthy Italian men. 

Johnson writes Alessandro's episode as if his Moorish background was basically true....with some caveats. Firstly, the narrator is Alessandro himself - who feels the sting of these insults, as he might either if they were true or if he felt they indicated some truth about him and how he would never be accepted in Florence (&c, &c.) There are some scenes with his mother, who appears as a beggar - but no-one other than Alessandro seems to speak with her, and he downplays the encounters. Could he be hallucinating? It's an interesting approach, and one that I think can be deployed fairly well on Radio.  

I'd heard of Catherine, of course - as a noteworthy personality of Early Modern France. Her presence as an outsider is emphasised across two episodes (Alessandro gets just the one).  The net of personages - King, Heir, Queen, Mistress, Catholics, Huguenots - is an impressive feature of the two episodes, and I would call it a good primer on the mood of Early Modern Europe before the Thirty Years War. One to contemplate for would-be WFRP games?

No Anton Lesser, sad to say. There may be repercussions...

"Gentlemen - the Medici have spurned us for the last time!"

***

So, apparently principal photography has concluded on the Rogue Trooper movie. Which I rather thought might have withered on the vine. Website here; if you wish to gen up on the Genetic Infantryman in advance of the film and - doubtless - become the envy of your friends and co-workers, you may read an old blog post on it here. 

Eight Pious Arachnids

1. During the years of strife, the Prophet Erimon was in the service of Argoz, High Prince of all Letarmine. When Erimon failed to obey Argoz in a matter of the interpretation of his dreams, he threw Erimon into a dark stone pit which contained giant spiders, there to be devoured. The seal of Argoz was placed over the pit, and Erimon was left there. But Erimon despaired not, and a veil of light was placed about him, and he sang of the Highest Heavens. When Argoz came to re-open the pit, he was shocked to see Erimon alive and well; he had even taught the spiders to make gestures of blessing, and to stamp their feet as if they were at the Festival of Palm Fronds. Great was the astonishment and sorrow of the High Prince!
2. The blessed hermit St Arilan is said to have cast aside his possessions to take up a life of prayer and contemplation, living in peace with every beast of the earth and bird that steps upon the winds. However, the Hagiographies speak of him dressed in plain robes, for in the land of Rhoopagno the winters can be cold indeed. Rhoopagno tradition holds that these robes were woven for St Arilan by spiders that visited him in his cave; however, research by ecclesiastically-approved natural philosophers has demonstrated that this would be quite impossible.
      It is far more likely that the spiders provided thread with which the Saint was able to sew together the bolts of cloth given to him by the charity of the region. This does not stop tailors and weavers in Rhoopagno from dressing up as spiders on the Eve of St Arilan. Moreover, it is a custom of the region that every bobbin should have carved into one end an eight-legged image of a spider.
3. The War of the Chalcedony Kings kept the pious daughters of the sage Octesian from maintaining his tomb shrine in a proper fashion. The tomb was of course complete, but the Ten-Day Seal had not yet been set in place. They were driven from their lands under the Caustic Edicts. However, when finally peace settled again over the land, they were able to return. They rejoiced, but were saddened that the tomb was still unsealed: creeping things could have entered the tomb, and flies - which, as any reputable sage will tell you, are merely a curdling of the Widdershins Force. 
      Yet when they reached the tomb, they found that no fly - neither the gadfly, nor the horsefly, nor the cranefly - had entered that place. All had been blocked by the webs of a benevolent spider - who was, through sad circumstance, better able to manifest the virtues of filial piety than the daughters of Octesian.
4. By the accounts given in the Hymns of Drinian, the 11th Avatar of the Preserving Sovereign appeared on the Fifth Day of the Sixth Month, mounted on a heavenly steed. The steed took the form of a great spider of marble countenance, but four of its legs terminated in gold hoofs, like the hoofs of a mountain goat, and four of its legs terminated in bronze talons, like the talons of a forest hawk. Each of its eyes had the colour of a flawless pearl; the chittering of its mouthparts was like the temple sistrum and it span indigo silk to cover the body of the Avatar. This spider could run faster than the pheasant-flighted arrows shot by the Passarid Mothers and of all earthly foods would eat only dates and scallions.
5. One summer month the hero-sage Mavramorn began a series of extreme ascetic exercises, designed to purify her soul. She threw down bow and spear, and retreated to the woods. She forsook the company of all comely youths and sweet-mouthed singers, deigning not to even look upon them. Even when not in a period of fasting, she would pluck a berry from a bush and then wait an hour and a half before consuming it. Her days were spent in prayer and meditation. 
      Beyond the woods were she did this, however, demons descended from the mountains, riding upon war-wagons pulled by tusked swine. Mavramorn knew of their presence, for her eyes saw clearly after her asceticisms. But she was bound to remain in the woods. Then, one afternoon as she sat in contemplation under a tamarind tree, a spider with its own notions of defence policy bit her upon the tricep. Mavramorn let out a highly unpleasant oath and batted at it. Having spoiled the effect of her ascetic exercises she sighed, sorrowing exceedingly, and went to retrieve her bow and spear.
6. The maiden Prismia dwelt upon the farm of her father, a heathen. Her wish was to enter into a convent, yet her father wished her to make an advantageous marriage to the son of another heathen landowner. She sighed at this, and her sighs were lifted by a passing angel to the ear of the Pancrator. The Pancrator then caused a message to be taken to a certain spider in the barn of Prismia's father. One morning when Prismia woke, she saw that the spider had written the first two-thirds of the Sistine Creed in a vast web in the barn door. Her father was baffled, enraged, and then bowed to the inevitable.
7. When Uvilas was driven from the city of Miraze, he fled to the rocks of Belisar, there to shelter among the jagged boulders. He reached the rocks and found a place to lay his head but was stricken by a fever and lay among the boulders for a month. No food had he, and only dew to quench his thirst. Yet spiders among the rocks came and found him stretched out and still and fed him on certain roots and berries and nourishing gums of that region. Therefore, no man of wisdom and respect goes among the rocks of Belisar, in memory of the sustenance given to Uvilas. 
8. A bravo of the city of Glozellea was lounging near the Plaza of Fractured Stars. He spotted a fair maiden of sound health and radiant beauty passing by, and called out to her "Fair One! One whose hair falls like blossom! Tarry a short while. I have a sack of newly-roasted beans, but none to prepare mocha for me. Use those long-fingered hands, quite devoid of imprisoning rings, to prepare a brew of pleasure for us both!"
      The maiden hissed at him like an irritated cat, and directed her chaperon to make the signs of scorn and vexation towards him. Puzzled, the bravo slumped against a wall. A spider descended from a web and began to laugh at him "Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!"
      "Why do you mock me so?" said the young man. "Surely you know I could crush you beneath a boot-heel."
     "I merely thought," said the spider "that when my kind mate, the man has his head bitten clean off. It struck me as funny that you run so fast into the arms of your doom. Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!"
     The bravo, hearing this, resolved to live a healthier and more circumspect life.

We use Every Part of the Dragon

So, you've killed yourself a dragon (Ahem). Or maybe it's a sphinx. Now, you are going to want to do something with the carcass. It is well known what happens when you roast a dragon's heart, but what about the rest of it?

Sigurd sucks his burnt thumb, while Reginn sleeps. 
Carvings from the Hylestad Stave Church, photographs by Wikipedia.

Conditions: you must be the first person to taste of the dragon's heart (or other organ). If a beast larger than an ear of wheat tastes even a little of it before you do, they gain the powers mentioned below. Only one person may gain such powers from the organ in question. It must be roasted over an open fire. 

No part of a dragon prepared thus is actively poisonous, but the consumption of large quantities of dragon will cause severe (not to say fiery) indigestion.

You roast and eat....	You can now...	You might learn about...	But generally in the form of....
The Dragon's Heart	Understand the speech of the birds	Threats to your life	A smooth, unhurried radio newsreader
The Dragon's Lungs	Understand the voices of the wind	Adverse weather conditions	Hymns with too many verses
The Dragon's Liver	Understand the distant booming of the earth and rocks	Civil engineering	Blank verse
The Dragon's Stomach	Understand the speech of mammals	Threats to your sanity	A precisely-worded sermon
The Dragon's Kidneys	Understand the songs of the rivers and streams	Direct routes downhill	Patter songs
The Dragon's Intestines	Understand the creaking chorus of the trees	Threats to the environment	A local government meeting
The Dragon's Brain	Understand the speech of Dragons	Gold prices	Light opera
The Dragon's Spleen	Understand the eternal dialogue of fish	Shipwrecks	Sardonic, quip-heavy remarks
The Dragon's Pancreas	Understand the sibilant speech of reptiles	Sources of information and fresh fruit	Compact, smug, maxims
The Dragon's Sparkgland	Understand the dry monologue of flame	Things around the fire that you can't see	A theatre review

The Gods do not smile upon mixed grills or kebabs. You eat one organ at a time. Do not add any sauces or seasoning to the cooked organ, other than perhaps a little salt. 

It is generally thought that anyone who can accomplish the feat of slaying a dragon will be able to procure a suitable set of butcher's knives to joint the beast with relative ease.

An image from the 2015 film Tale of Tales. 

Successful dragonslayers dispute the proper drink to accompany the dish: answers vary from 'Mead' to 'Fresh stream water'. Some suggest 'Two healing potions, one drunk quickly before you eat, the other sipped slowly afterwards'. Perhaps the most popular response is 'Anything you can get your hands on'.

Of Chalices and Choices

You are a Square-Jawed Adventurer. You have been seeking the Sacred Cup. 

You are in a Mysterious Cavern filled with Goblets, Chalices and Other Vessels. Most are made of gold. One is made of wood. There is a stone bowl full of clear fresh water. There is an Ancient Guardian clad in dusty armour watching you closely.

Your Duplicitous Adversary has drunk from one of the gold goblets and died horribly. 

There is a Loved One outside the Mysterious Cavern who urgently needs the healing properties of the Sacred Cup.

What do you do?

1. The Holy Man who used the cup was a simple man who spurned worldly things. You reach for the wooden cup.

1a. .... wait. This wooden cup is too simple. It flatters your modern Bauhaus-influenced Protestant-inflected norms with its cleanness of line and distinctive lack of ornament. 

1ai. No. There can be only one Sacred Cup, there is only one wooden cup. It is the clear exception among all those present - the only golden cup you have seen used caused your Duplicitous Adversary to die horribly. It's the wooden cup.

1b. ..... wait. The Sacred Cup is a metaphor.  The divine needs no such physical vessels, only conceptual ones, which the enlightened may transcend. You don't need the Sacred Cup, all you need to do is to seek it, If you truly do that, all blessings will be with you and you may bestow all blessings. Thrumming with new found power, you smile politely at the Ancient Guardian and turn to leave.

1bi. But if all blessings are with you, do you even need to leave the Mysterious Cavern? You kneel, and begin to think about your Loved One in perfect health. Surely they will soon be healed. 

The Ancient Guardian is watching you, expressionless. 

1bii. Hang on, your Duplicitous Adversary just drank from a cup and died in a clearly supernatural manner. There is a man in there wearing medieval armour who just addressed you in fluent Old French. Metaphor, my eye. Time to go back in there and pick a bloody cup. 

2. Hang on, you're a scholar. You've....

2a. ...seen reliquaries before. You inspect the gold cups. One is quite bulky; a catch on the side reveals that it is a chalice-shaped tabernacle, inside which rests a simple small clay cup on a velvet lining.

2b. ....seen reliquaries before. You inspect the gold cups.  One of them has a darker band in the middle of it. On inspection, it turns out to be a golden stand and framework supporting an older wooden cup, enhanced with a large gold lip. The cup itself has a small coating of gold leaf on the outside. 

2c. ...read some of the literature on the subject.  Often, the old poems describe the Sacred Cup as having been transformed after it was used by the Holy Man. So before then, it would have been a fairly normal Levantine cup from the beginning of the 1st millennium. You inspect the gold cups, and find one that adheres near-perfectly to the shape of Levantine cups you have seen in the Museum.

3. You examine the chalices on offer. Each has been kept clean and well-polished, even the one your Duplicitous Adversary drank from. But one must have been used more often, if the Ancient Guardian drinks from the Sacred Cup - and how else could he be so Ancient? You lift a chalice to examine it in the light, and see the the subtle wear from hands and lips over the centuries. Comparison with the neighbouring cups makes this plain. You take the chalice over to the stone bowl and fill it. 

4. The ancient texts say.... 

4a. ...that when the Sacred Cup was first blessed, it was shared. You grab a chalice at random, fill it from the stone bowl and turn to the Ancient Guardian. "You first."

4b. ...that when the Sacred Cup was first blessed, the Holy Man was drinking wine. You point this out to the Ancient Guardian. He produces a flask of wine from a cupboard that you hadn't spotted. 

5. Think about the journey you've been on to reach the Mysterious Cavern, and the perils you braved within. This is a test of faith....

5a. ....so you should not think about it overlong, but reach out with hope in your soul and take up a goblet. You grasp one, and trying not to look down at it, take it over to the stone bowl and fill it.

5b. ....that ends the journey you and your Duplicitous Adversary have both been on. But even if your choice of companions differed,  the course of your travel and object of your desire was the same. The main difference was in your motives. Knowing your motives to be good and your faith sound, you should submit yourself to judgement in exactly the same way he did. 

You pick up the golden cup your Duplicitous Adversary drank from.

6. You gather up each of the cups, pour a little bit of water in each, mix it all together and drink. The Ancient Guardian smacks you over the back of the head with a chainmail glove and tells you (in Old French) not to be a smart-arse.

****

You have chosen ◼︎◼︎◼︎◼︎ly. 

Dungeon Emigrés

A comment on False Machine sent my mind in the direction of dungeon émigré groups. Now, this is a somewhat tongue-in-cheek exercise - applying the tropes of the Cold War to the trap-strewn dungeon of cliche. But there is no reason to assume that the Goblins of the Yellow Eye are an unshakeable monolith, ready to fight Our Heroes to the death, incapable of civil strife. So: splinter groups, refugees, ex-pats. 

Several tables below offer examples, all centred around a sizeable town or city.

What group is this? Roll d12

1. Kobold dissidents, inciting fire and revolution against their draconic overlords.
2. Goblin satirists of the Red Brows clan, whose unsubtle burlesques and avant-garde wall paintings vexed the wrong chieftain.
3. A scion of the Drow aristocracy and retainers, forced out in the course of yet another court intrigue.
4. Minotaur heretics, who have radically different notions on the proper worship of the gods of slaughter and thirst. Their debates are heated.*
5. An Orc warlord and his huscarls, motivated by the perceived ingratitude of the Orc plebeian classes to throw their lot in with mankind.
6. Cultist defectors, trying to either atone for misdeeds or get out before the summoning ritual begins.
7. Goblins of the Blue Lips Clan, who have fled from the join-or-die assimilation policies of the Hobgoblin Hegemony.
8. A train of misplaced phantoms and spectres cling tenuously onto a single grave slab, carried by a tomb guardian. They have been banished by foul magics from their centuries-old rest.
9. A bundle of Orcs who have left before the new boss can enact the usual purges. 
10. Deserters from the Dragon's Tooth Regiment of the Grand Skeleton Army, who have grown tired of pack-drill, roll-call and saluting pimply necromancer's apprentices who can't tell grave-dirt from bone-dust.
11. A drake who has seen the writing on the wall and is negotiating his conditional surrender and residency in the city before a band of adventurers gets lucky.
12. Roll twice; clearly two separate groups have elected to make common cause. 

An utterly unrelated picture of Ralph Fiennes as Coriolanus,
from a 2011 film adaptation. 

Where have they taken up residence? Roll d6

1. An unused warehouse.
2. A scattering of refugee shanties outside the city wall.
3. They have a wing to themselves in a sympathetic Nobleman's home.
4. Several garrets and apartments in the tenements of the Bohemian quarter.
5. The squalid confines of a non-human ghetto.
6. A suite of rooms at an expensive guesthouse. 

How motivated are they to go back? Roll d6

1. "Give us money and arms, we'll go back tomorrow!"
2. "One day soon, we'll be ready!"
3. "One day..."
4. "For the time being, our policy is to...."
5. "It may take a generation, but...."
6. "Ah, who cares about that anymore?"

Their Handler or Sponsor Roll d8

1. A svelte, apathetic, functionary.
2. An ambitious merchant prince.
3. The Head of a charitable but well-resourced Religious Order.
4. A calculating, farsighted statesman.
5. A Romantically-inclined, socially-adept noblewoman. 
6. A Chief Lecturer at a renowned Academy.  
7. An ambitious, splenetic nobleman.
8. A soft-spoken wizard with large glasses and ill-fitting robes.

An unrelated picture of Alec Guinness as George Smiley,
from the BBC adaptations of John Le Carre's novels. 

*Presumably they are debating whether one waits in the centre of the maze for victims, or if one should harry one's victims in an effort to drive them to the centre of the maze.

Crystals, Healing and Mine-Dwellers

Crystals are verboten; taboo for the latter-day OSR (or other current term) designer. The Artpunkifex Maximus has proclaimed it.

But if I may crave a moment of your time....

To exaggerate and condense somewhat: the Middle Ages in Europe didn't have science, they had natural philosophy. This leads to interesting conclusions. 

St Hildegard of Bingen wrote about the origins and potency of crystals and gemstones in the Physica, or Book of Simple Medicines. I'm taking this translation from Mark Atherton's Selected Writings published by Penguin Books.

All gemstones contain energy and moisture. They terrify the devil, who hates and despises them because he remembered that their beauty appeared in him before he fell from the glory which God had given him, and also because some precious stones are created from the fire and energy in which he himself has his punishments. It was in fact by fire that the devil was defeated, through God’s will, and he fell into fire, just as he is also defeated by the fire of the Holy Spirit whenever people are rescued from the devil’s jaws through the inspiring breath of the Holy Spirit. 

Precious stones and jewels have their origin in the East, and in those areas where the heat of the sun is particularly strong. The mountains that occur in such areas have a great heat, like fire, which comes from the heat of the sun; similarly the rivers that flow in these regions are always boiling hot, due to the same great heat of the sun. Accordingly, when at times the rivers flood and break their banks, increasing in volume and rising up to the mountains that are burning with the great heat of the sun, and when these come into contact with the rivers, then, in those places where the water makes contact with the fire, they throw up a kind of foam, in other words they ‘singelent’, that is, send out spray, just as a burning piece of iron or stone does when water is poured on it. And so the foam hangs in those places like ‘glitten’ or glue, and within three or four days hardens into stone. When the flood of waters has ceased and the waters have resumed their normal courses, then the drops of foam, which remain hanging at various locations in the mountains, are dried by the heat of the sun according to the various hours of the day and their corresponding temperatures. The stones therefore assume their colours and powers according to the temperature of the hour of the day at which they are formed, and once they have dried and hardened into precious stones, they drop like scales from their locations and fall into the sand. And when the rivers rise again in flood, they carry away the gemstones and deposit them in different regions, where eventually they are found by human beings. Owing to the many gemstones which they bring forth in this way, these mountains shine as bright as day. 

.....

In this way, then, precious stones are made out of fire and water; they therefore contain energy and moisture within them and they have many powerful qualities and effects, so that many actions can be carried out with them. These actions are nevertheless good and honest and useful to human beings, and not works of seduction, fornication, adultery, hostility, murder and the like, which are vices in opposition to human beings. For it is the nature of precious stones to seek the honest and useful and reject the evil and false in human beings, in the same way that the virtues throw off the vices, and in the same way that it is impossible for the vices to act in conjunction with the virtues. 

All a bit like that, really. 

So: let's say crystals can heal you quite reliably and have naturally very useful properties.

But only if you believe in the true faith.

And certain crystals only work for certain ailments.

And they don't seem to work terribly quickly.

And precious stones are still sort after and expensive.

Onyx is warm and grows at the third hour of the day in thick cloud, when the sun burns powerfully but is covered by various rising clouds which prevent it from appearing through them because of their flood of waters. Thus the stone does not hold great heat of fire, but it has the warmth of the air, for its origin is in the root of the sun and the conglutination of various clouds. Onyx therefore has great virtues against illnesses arising in the air. 

For dimness of the eyes and the like, or anything due to ‘augswern’ [complaint of the eyes], place good, pure wine in a bronze, copper, or iron receptacle, add onyx to the wine and ‘beizze’ [steep] it for either fifteen or thirty days. Then remove the stone, leaving the wine in the receptacle, and touch the eyes each night with a little of the wine; they will clear and become healthy. 

For pains in the heart or sides, warm an onyx in your hands or close to your body, also taking wine again and heating it in a vessel over a fire; then remove the wine from the fire and hold the onyx over the steaming wine so that the sweat coming from the stone mingles with the wine. Finally put the stone in the hot wine and drink it as it is, and the heat in your heart or side will cease. 

For a complaint of the stomach, prepare wine with onyx as described and then prepare a ‘sufen’ [soup] from the wine with hen’s eggs and flour. Make and eat this frequently; it will purify your stomach and make you healthy. For a complaint of the spleen, cook the meat of a goat or lamb, put the cooked meat in the wine and onyx mixture as described above and eat the marinaded meat like those dishes made by marinading in vinegar. Do this frequently; the spleen will heal and the swelling stop. 

I suppose you could readily find a list on your own, but our fantasy crystal healer might propose:

Diamond or quartz as valuable in strengthening the bones.

Onyx brings relief to the bilious.

Beryl for disorders of the blood.

Smaragdus to remedy the eyes and nerves.

Jacinth for the fever.

Sapphire against poisons and venoms.

Topaz to clear the windpipe and purify the air.

Amethyst to cleanse the bowels.

Chrysophrase for the phlegmatic.

And if someone falls in a fit of epilepsy, then - right where they are lying - place a piece of smaragdus in their mouth, and their spirit will revive. And after they have got up again and taken the stone from their mouth, they should look at it attentively and say: 

‘As the Spirit of the Lord has fulfilled the circle of the earth, 

So may the house of my body be filled with his grace That it may never again be afflicted.’ 

They should repeat this again and again on the following days in the mornings, and they will be cured. But they should take care always to have the same stone about them and look at it every day in the early morning, and while they are looking at it they should say the words given, and in this way they will be healed. 

And if all the above seems unlikely or preposterous, even with those conditions, even in Medieval fantasyland -

All the above only applies to Dwarves, the children of the stones.

Dwarves have good reason then to mine so greedily and so deep: they seek not only riches, but health. A dwarf with a spouse on death's door is expected to be in the mines - not because they are heartless delvers, but because this is where a cure might be found.

Incidentally, this means that when Dwarves meet human monarchs, their crowns make them look a little like a man wearing a hat decorated with aspirins. 

Sans-culottes, but not sans Style

Tell me, how do you picture the dress of those in Revolutionary France? Ragged members of the mob? Jacobins in torn shirts? Cold-eyed Robespierre imitators in eyeglasses and tight coats? The Scarlet Pimpernel in disguise?

Perhaps you are right. But the French Revolution saw a change of many things, in line with rational principles. A new calendar, free of the names of the past. The metric system, the same system of measures across France. The Rights of Man.

Behold then, the rationally dressed man.

Thank you, Wikipedia.

This is the costume of a member of the Council of Ancients as formed by the Constitution of the Year Three. This was the Upper House; the Council of Five Hundred, the lower, didn't look dissimilar. Take in the heavy, tall hat with its plume; the immense sash, the red pseudo-Grecian cloak. It really is something.

Bonaparte's Coup of the 18 Brumaire. Slightly less detail here.

Whilst the Constitution does not per se go into details of the costume, it is clear that a legislators uniform will be worn.

Article 165:

The members of the Directory, when engaged in the exercise of their functions, whether upon the outside or within the interior of their residences, can appear only in the costume which is appropriate for them.

Article 369: 

The members of the legislative body and all the public functionaries wear in the discharge of their functions the costume or symbol of the authority with which they are invested: the law determines the form thereof.

The picture of revolutionary fervour.

I have made mock, but this was a serious issue: an invocation of a new way of life for lawmakers, an obvious sign of their position - a clear break also with the fashions of the old regime. There will be no display of status by legislators, for they will all be dressed alike.

There was even conflict over the uniform: I understand from this chap that the uniforms were meant to be of purely French manufacture. When it emerges that some were not, they were seized by a local governor.

I'm not sure these uniforms were ever that prevalent (even given the changes wrought to the French Republic by Napoleon). They don't seem to have worked their way into the popular consciousness or the elite self-image of the legislators themselves.

Nevertheless, the above is worth considering. If depicting a Revolution in surroundings or with features like that of 1789, Che Guevara-style 'men of the people' in drab khaki or boiler suits may not be the image that should come to mind. There's no reason the new order can't look good.

Valkyries vs Vampires

My last post, tying into the Harry Clarke Project drew on (and obliquely referenced) both the Swan-Maidens of Norse myth and the image of the Vampire. Said Maidens overlap with Valkyries, to some degree or the other.

Therefore, an idea naturally occurs, spurred by the attraction of alliteration. This may hopefully be dropped in at will into a wider narrative.

Our bold heroes are travelling, when they come across the remains of a battle. Fairly recent, too - both sides have retreated, but the dead and dying litter the field. But in the midst of the carnage, figures are moving.

The shapes of armed, beauteous women descend (possibly on horses, perhaps on wolves, conceivably on giant ravens). Valkyries, choosers of the slain. They are picking the battlefield for heroes, to recruit them for the armies of the Allfather*. How can these adventurers see the psychopomps such as these? Presumably they've been around enough magic for it to have had a permanent effect.

If you are unwilling to dig up or make up a unique set of valkyrie rules, I imagine they couls be 'glossed' as high level paladins.

A list of Valkyries might include:
Brünnhilde(soprano)
Waltraute (mezzo-soprano)
Helmwige (soprano)
Gerhilde (soprano)
Siegrune (mezzo-soprano)
Schwertleite (contralto)
Ortlinde (soprano)
Grimgerde (contralto)
Rossweisse (mezzo-soprano)

But amongst the corpses, others lurk. Vampires are preying on the dead (or more likely, the dying) of the battlefield. They are not just here for blood, however. Skilled (if defeated) warriors could be of use as thralls, risen from the dead and under their master's spell.

The Vampires are accompanied by various undead and human minions- the latter very much in the Renfield vein. Among other things, said minions can assist their masters in picking over the battlefield or holding parasols.

A list of Vampires might include:

Graf von Orlock

Sir Francis Varney

Lord Ruthven

Count Alucard

Prince Mamuwalde

(None of the above are known for their vocal work.)

Why might Vampires and Valkyries fight? The main source of conflict here is over resources. Even if it is the spirit of a fallen warrior that gets taken up by a Valkyrie to Asgard, the source of a vampires nourishment is not purely in bodily fluids. Even a lightly touched soul is 'locked down' by vampiric influence.

Why might our heroes back one side or the other? 

Do you want to be a vampire? Wouldn't that be cool?

Are any of your party half-giants? Have they grown up with tales of the wickedness of the Aesir?**

Does the cleric belong to some Pseudo-Christian faith that despises the pagan gods?

How might said cleric feel about vampires?

Does an eternity of battle really sound that good an afterlife?
Presumably, the long-lived earthbound vampires have deeper pockets than valkyries....
...but the valkyries are better suited to return favours - and more likely to keep their promises.



*Probably Odin, or an ersatz version. Though the use of Tyr could be appropriate.
** There are people writing about just this sort of thing. I can't find it, but I do recall some article pointing out that Ragnarok is revenge for the death of Ymir - entirely to be expected, and perhaps even praised by Norse standards.