Thursday 28 December 2023

December '23 Miscellany

The same form of miscellany post as ever - nothing immediately festive, though I hope you have feasted.

***

I watched a film: Danger Close - about the battle of Long Tan, this being a prominent event in the Australian experience of the Vietnam War. 

The film is (in the nicest possible way) unexceptional. An interesting event, to be sure, and appealing in the way that films from outside Hollywood are - you've never seen any of these actors before, and can't attach stereotypes or type casting to them. And, of course, it's Vietnam shorn of the accumulated imagery and emotion of the American experience. Further, Danger Close has an utterly explicable but still faintly funny trait, in that it is a film from, for and by an English-speaking country about the Vietnam War that shows more Viet Cong faces than American ones. 

So why am I talking about it here? Well, it has some very fine procedural elements: we see the actions and reactions of platoons, of D Company (6th Battalion, Royal Australian Rifles), of the battalion's Lieutenant Colonel, of the task-force commander at Nui Dat. As well as the actions of artillery sections, fire control officers and air force liaisons. Communication, for artillery barrages, ammunition resupply and airstrikes - to say nothing of simple reports -  is a running feature. Hence, the title: Danger Close

Communication - accurate, timely, swift and clear communication - of this kind is a challenge.  Is this one that should be worked into tabletop play more? 'Roll a d20 to blow the correct notes on your bugle'?  Well, that's less satisfying. And I'm not sure the presence of (say) harmonicas or mobile phone keyboards at the table would be terribly pleasing either. 

One point of comparison is the video game Radio Commander, a strategy in which you keep track of units (once again in Vietnam) via conversations. Though the pre-recorded selectable responses there are a little dissatisfying when all else is raw and comparatively grounded.

I dare say this is the sort of thing that the more traditional sort of wargaming has worked out somewhere. More research needed.

***

The degree of 'punk' in Steampunk is a perennial discussion here and on associated other blogs. Generally, I've held that '__punk' is an artefact as a label and that Retrofuturist is a more helpful designation. 


Well, here's a gentleman tracing the history of Steampunk and making the case for punkishness. You might compare it with some of the ideas discussed in my Faufreluches posts. I can't say that I necessarily agree with the conclusions in the last part, but otherwise it's rather good. 

***

I found a second-hand Penguin edition of the Lais of Marie de France. They're pretty short, authentically of their time and nicely spiky. A useful reference point for Medieval Europe, as well as full of assorted supernatural happenings and vengeances. Read a couple over lunch.

***

Investigating Censor is a work on Itch.io by Dave Greggs - AKA HCK, the chap behind Grand Commadore, whose work may be known to readers of this blog. You'll find a few samples over at Grand Commodore if you want to go over those before taking the plunge.

Anyway, 'Investigating Censor is a dark rules-light RPG wargame set amidst a campaign by oracular warrior monks to eliminate a sect of human-sacrificing pirates.' For more first impressions, here's some art. 

It's been interesting interacting with a piece of Greggs's work as a PDF rather than a blog post. Things have a little more room to breathe. Greggs writes a lot - and I like it! But I do sometimes idly wonder what would happen if a seven-foot hairy-chested Editor with a pick handle and a set of brass knuckles sat behind him as he wrote. 

"So, Dave, what are you working on this morning?"

A few things I like about Investigating Censor:

Player Characters Organisation - Players are the titular Censors. It's a wonderfully evocative set of ideas - the mix of legal, customary and religious authority could be quite heady. The very title of 'Censor' throws you into a different set of social expectations and ideas. This is a strength of Dave Greggs, I would say - the Investigating Censor, the detectives of Starling and Shrike. It's reminiscent of 40k's Inquisitors or Rogue Traders, and rather more successful than Mass Effect's Spectres.

Setting - A febrile coastal region, recently gone through regime change and approaching some measure of equilibrium. I suppose I associate it largely with South-East Asia, but it's clearly not a neat one-to-one comparison. Appendix N of IC urges readers to make and share regions for IC, so I may have to do just that! 

(I also quite like Appendix P's tonal variants.)

Framing - The various districts you move into are described socially with 'Centres of Gravity' and 'Key Personalities'. I quite like this encounter framing: whether the local magnate is Young and Feckless or Old, Careworn and Senile or a vigorous Capital-S Schemer to rival Iago, there's still an awful lot that has to go on around them. Whether the planet is volcanic or stable, it is a planet and the moons better recognise that.

Layers - Every level of social encounter has a variety of motivations proposed, with further reaching in as needed. Naturally, a Vice District has its own set of power struggles and problems and obsessions - but then there are region-wide political plays, or secret societies trying to accumulate clout and leverage - or just run-of-the-mill psychopaths. 
  Add to this the various tendencies of your NPC Allies, who do not have your monastic background. Antipathy, opportunity, infatuation, addiction, social pressure can all make them crack. (Maybe you could treat this like Darkest Dungeon's afflictions. The Investigating Censor sending out another expedition is not unlike the Heir sending out another band....)

Alchemy, Fetches and Fetishes - This is a world rich with low-level magics and wonders, without falling into the video game-esque problem of brigands carrying Claymores that shoot Ball Lightning. The presence of Alchemy and various charms enhances this, and feels apt. IC is about a prosperous land ill-used, rather than a blasted heath. This wealth finding its way into narcotics and easing nostrums works better than some potions in RPGs.

I disliked nothing immediately in Investigating Censor. Some worked examples might be good, but one has been released on Grand Commodore. I might care for a little more unifying detail for the Cult of Protection, though it's not strictly speaking a bad choice to keep them loosely sketched against the strong presences of the Censors themselves. (In any case, too strict a 'Pirate Code' will make them sound altogether too Blackbeard-Caribbean).

If the above wasn't quite clear, this may be considered a recommendation. 


Friday 22 December 2023

The Rest of All Possible Worlds: Civic Constellations

I've had this in mind for a while. There are those states of Calliste chosen as exemplars for TRoAPW, described in the Gazette here. Anyway, there's a way to quickly illustrate my point in that post with simple diagrams. These aren't pointcrawls, and if they're maps, they're pretty highly abstracted ones (you could probably leave off any of the identifying letters and they would still communicate something about the state in question). If you will, they are as like to a map as the constellation of Cassiopeia is to the figure of an enthroned queen.

Majestic Pavaisse!

Blue circles for regions listed in the Gazette; crossed circle for the capital. Blue lines for major internal arteries* - there are most likely other roads or rivers or passes, just none that make sense with a wagon train or a laden barge. Red lines for major trade links. 

Sea-girt Malmery!

Bustling Datravia!

Sharp-eyed readers will have noted that there are some places hitherto unmentioned for Datravia. Of course, Datresse is still the central point of that fair land, but there are some outskirts. Think of them as the region of Veneto to La Serenissima. Anyway, these are....

  • Uitbrig, the ancient town with its long-established academies and seminaries.
  • Ghaivera, Datresse's granary.
  • Noysdam, known as The Citadel of Noysdam or The Noysdam. The rationally-planned recently built fortress city covering the main approach to the centre of Datravia.
Anyway, I hope these go some way to focusing on the ideas presented in the Gazette.

Far-reaching Tsymric!


*Internal in the sense that we are concentrating on these polities and seeing how they link together internally. If you were to tell me that the road from Purlitz to Loughdaine was built centuries back by the Horatione Cohorts and leads directly to Horato crossing five different principalities to do so, it would make complete sense.

Tuesday 12 December 2023

How to Read the False Machine

TO REVEAL AN ANSWER: The piece of writing at the end of the last post was derived, basically, from some fairly negative and somewhat fantastical feelings about the experience of reading the Horus Heresy books. With a little element of the King in Yellow mixed in.

Roboute Guilliman: You, brother, should remove your armour.

Horus: Indeed?

Rogal Dorn: Indeed, it is time. We have all set aside our pauldrons except you.

Horus: I wear no pauldrons.

Roboute: [aside, to Rogal] No pauldrons? No pauldrons!

And on that revelation, trailing corposant, I move to another lurid book.


CONTEXT: P J Stuart, author of the blog False Machine, a version of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight  and several interesting RPG products ran a Kickstarter to take a majority of that blog material and preserve it in a weighty tome. Behold, the above. It is as larger as many editions of the Complete Works of Shakespeare, if a little lighter. (Quite a pleasing weight, really.) The cover is a distinct orange, with letters that seem to shift as you read them. That might just be a faulty bedside lamp, or fatigue on the part of Yr. Hmbl. Crrspndt., but I wouldn't put it past Patrick to have hexed it somehow. Illustrations from several artists, often former collaborators with PJS. Fascinating set of marbled end papers by Scrap Princess.

....but I don't need this. I've read a bunch of the original posts, even commented on them. (Some comments are reproduced in the text of the book above. It's remotely possibly I'm there, I haven't checked thoroughly yet. Full Disclosure, &c, &c.)

Anyway, if a charming visitor to my snug garret were to ask over a glass of Oloroso 'My dear, what is that fascinating book on your shelves?', how would I answer them?

[QUICK NOTE: the Blog is False Machine. The Book is Speak, False Machine, whatever it says on the cover. Occasionally, I'm going to need to compare the two so they need different names.]

MOVING ON: On one level, everything in False Machine is either an RPG product or fuel for RPGs. Patrick Stuart is a man who will read and review works of fantasy - EG, Gormenghast or The Worm Ouroborous, or histories of the sort of period that have inspired fantasy fiction, as A Distant Mirror  - as readily as a work on the Psychoanalysis of Fire. This isn't to posit this work as merely fuel for the capital-P Product, but it is to indicate that there is a final aim in place for much of the work in here, a set of objectives. 

Now, most of the stuff that went into the actual books isn't in Speak, False Machine. The posts for Veins of the Earth became Veins of the Earth. Good thing too. But this references character and action on the part of the author. So, a newcomer should think on that.

The various articles have been changed slightly. Spelling mistakes and ungainly turns of phrase have not been corrected, we are assured. But other things have changed. Some comments are included, many are not. Illustrations that offer context have gone. See for instance the post called on False Machine 'Five.. Four... Three.. Two... ONE!' It must be shorn of the referential images that indicate the origins of the work without interrupting the flow of the fiction, or the end table that lays out the similarities in several works. It must rely on the title alone, which may be reference enough

Of course, one understands why such images are not included, but something may be lost. To refer back to my own work at the top of the page - how clear was that little mystery?

The material is not only presented in a reduced form, it is also framed differently. Blog posts that may have been weeks or months apart can now be put side by side, and there is benefit in this. Now we can read all about the Horus Heresy back to back (Hoorah?).

Back to back, and also in two columns. This sounds silly to make into a point in a new paragraph, but if you're used to a post being in one column, with a predictable set of links and gadgets at the side, it is a little strange to see it in two columns, and have the experience of your eye wandering across.

TO CONTINUE: It is very online. Sometimes that phrase is used as an insult: in this case, it is basically descriptive. False Machine was and is a web-log. It should not surprise a reader that Speak, False Machine bears the hallmarks of the internet.

There's a freedom of tone. Speak, False Machine has a good number of reviews. There is also a great deal of flippancy, plenty of cursing and a pool of references deriving from online cultures (hence a section titled 'Weebery'.) As good as these reviews may be, they would not appear in this way in the pages of a high-brow weekly. Certainly not at this length: word limits online are a very different thing to those in print. Quotes can be longer, explorations more discursive.

Thus, the rough set of points or ideas expressed by the (hilarious) 'WWII - Written and Directed by JJ Abrams' could be expressed by the sort of less strait-laced weekly magazine, but would probably not take that form or be expressed to that degree and so would be X degrees of magnitude less memorable. Now, do I prefer the rough-hewn original of that post on False Machine, or the smoother-formatted version in Speak, False Machine? The former has my fondness as the original, but the latter is superior. The evenness of the columns and text allow the wit to shine that much more.

To speak also on something I have kept at arm's length - there is also a portion of interpersonal drama. False Machine allowed for others to comment on it: it is a social medium of a kind. Further, Patrick Stuart has and has had long-term collaborators. It was honest and correct to include it - certainly, I might have been tempted to leave it out. 

So, a mix of material. Review, essay, fiction, comment, verse. Sometimes niche, sometimes universal, usually interesting. 

But is it any good?

Yes. Some of it was probably more interesting to live than to read about, but this is not a Curate's Egg. 

Is it a book you would have lying around your own house? Is it a book that you would even wish your wife or your servants to read?

Well, I have no wife, but should a paramour in the midst of a certain charming entanglement of limbs and digits start talking about the Dover Beach Expanded Universe - well, my heart's beating would doubtless reach a furious tempo.

Can you not give us any real criticisms?

I suppose it's a little odd to be holding a weighty tome full of stuff that has the internet aura of disposability, but to that's more an issue with context than content. In any case, this is less offensive in that regard than some books of Current Events I've seen reproducing an activists social media posts.

I see. Thank you, Mr, umm, ... -

Saturday 2 December 2023

A Milestone and A Millstone

You blink, and then it turns out you've hit Two Hundred and Fifty posts. I'm not certain that there's a really good way to mark this (though the suggestion of 250 paragraphs of 250 words each on 250 topics was advanced). Well, instead I have compiled the following list: 250 artworks, topics, images and so forth discussed by this blog. If the entry is in bold, there's probably most of a post devoted to it. That's at least one way to review the changing character of the blog.

To make this more than a list, please see also a little piece of writing afterwards. There is an extent to which the former is a clue to the latter, but I shall say no more.
  1. Jack Vance's Dying Earth
  2. Goblin Market
  3. Wolfe's The Wizard Knight
  4. The Song of Roland
  5. The Kalevala
  6. The Stress of Her Regard
  7. The Cosmic Trilogy
  8. The Banner Saga
  9. Procopius
  10. Count Belisarius
  11. Marco Polo in the Court of Kublai Khan
  12. The Pillow Book
  13. The Book of the New Sun
  14. Gormenghast
  15. Virconium
  16. Julie Taymor's Titus
  17. Richard Holmes's The Age of Wonder
  18. Neal Stephenson's Baroque Cycle 
  19. Gulliver's Travels
  20. The Chronicles of Narnia
  21. Van Dyck
  22. The 52 Pages
  23. King Solomon's Mines
  24. The Pilgrim's Regress
  25. The Pilgrim's Progress
  26. John Ruskin
  27. Fahfrd and the Grey Mouser
  28. The Mignola-illustrated Fahfrd and the Grey Mouser
  29. Macbeth
  30. Coriolanus
  31. Othello
  32. MR James
  33. Where Eagles Dare
  34. Ice Cold in Alex
  35. Shadowrun
  36. Tim Powers's Declare
  37. The Ill-Made Knight
  38. Anathem
  39. Sir Gawain and the Green Knight
  40. Mass Effect
  41. Last of the Mohicans
  42. Castle of the Otter
  43. Aguirre, The Wrath of God
  44. Mad Max
  45. The Anabasis
  46. Yoon-Suin
  47. The Thousand and One Nights
  48. Snow Crash
  49. The Tower of Babel
  50. Barsoom
  51. Cyclopean architecture
  52. Ruritania
  53. Appendix N
  54. Popski's Private Army
  55. Evelyn Waugh's Sword of Honour
  56. The Mughal Empire
  57. Henry the Navigator
  58. Dune
  59. Fallout 
  60. The Difference Engine
  61. The Napoleon of Notting Hill
  62. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
  63. Shada
  64. Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency
  65. Discworld
  66. John Wyndham
  67. The Quatermass Experiment
  68. Dan Dare
  69. The Prisoner
  70. Elric
  71. Strontium Dog
  72. Judge Dredd
  73. Rogue Trooper
  74. The Children of Men
  75. Neverwhere
  76. A Canticle for Liebowitz
  77. The Saga of Recluce
  78. Silverberg's Majipoor
  79. The Third Man
  80. Erast Fandorin
  81. Rendezvous with Rama
  82. Star Trek
  83. The Culture
  84. Firefly
  85. The Blazing World
  86. Lamentations of the Flame Princess
  87. Map of a Nation: A Biography of the Ordnance Survey
  88. Blake's image of Urizen in The Ancient of Days
  89. The Man who would be King
  90. William Morris
  91. The Poetic Edda
  92. J R R Tolkien
  93. A Sing of Ice and Fire
  94. Tom Holt
  95. Mere Christianity
  96. Izaak Walton, The Compleat Angler
  97. Isaac Watts
  98. Isle of the Unknown
  99. The Winter's Tale
  100. The Aeneid
  101. Twelfth Night
  102. The Tempestuous Voyage of Hopewell Shakespeare
  103. Pygmalion and Galatea
  104. The Steel Bonnets
  105. The Dark Tower (CS Lewis)
  106. Riddley Walker
  107. Puck of Pook's Hill
  108. Nathan J Anderson's Malacandra illustrations
  109. Castle of Days
  110. The Rivan Codex
  111. The Mysteries of Udolpho
  112. The Mausoleum of Thoedoric
  113. Maria Lack Abbey
  114. Trier Cathedral
  115. The Book of the Long Sun
  116. A Voyage to Arcturus
  117. Nebulous
  118. Iain Moncrieffe and Don Pottinger's Simple Heraldry - Cheerfully Illustrated
  119. Clark Ashton Smith in the Gollancz Fantasy Masterworks edition The Emperor of Dreams 
  120. The Monk
  121. The Castle of Otranto
  122. Ivanhoe
  123. Arms and the Man
  124. Flashman
  125. The Mask of Demitrios
  126. Barry Lyndon
  127. Veins of the Earth
  128. All Saints, Margaret Street
  129. Edward Bulwer-Lytton's The Coming Race
  130. Journey to the Centre of the Earth
  131. The Gardens of Ynn
  132. The Talos Principle
  133. The Critias
  134. The Timaeus
  135. Journey to the West
  136. Equestrian Portraits of Charles I
  137. St Mary Le Strand
  138. Raiders of the Lost Ark
  139. The Diamond Age
  140. The architecture of John Outram
  141. The Ishtar Gate
  142. Age of Mythology
  143. St Peter and St Paul's Church, Pickering
  144. Seeing Like a State
  145. Reflections on the Revolution in France
  146. 'Catapaulta' by Edward Poynter
  147. The Stygian Library
  148. The Name of the Rose
  149. Roger Corman's 1964 film of The Masque of the Red Death
  150. Paul Kidby's Discworld illustrations
  151. Votan
  152. Not For All the Gold in Ireland
  153. The Ancient Greece of Odysseus
  154. Marian and Trinitarian columns
  155. Ilium and Olympos
  156. Thackeray’s History of Henry Esmond 
  157. Thomas Pynchon’s Mason & Dixon
  158. A Song of Ice and Fire
  159. The art of William Nicholson and James Pryde
  160. Silent Titans
  161. Seven Pillars of Wisdom
  162. Shardik
  163. Vita Sackville-West, The Eagle & The Dove
  164. An Atlas of the Soviet Union
  165. Doctor Syn
  166. Mythago Wood
  167. Stardust
  168. Rogue Male
  169. The Day of the Jackal
  170. HCK's Maximalist City-State World
  171. The Fall of the House of Usher
  172. The House on the Borderlands 
  173. HMS Apollyon
  174. Excalibur
  175. The Cruel Sea
  176. Electric Bastionland
  177. Francis Spufford's Red Plenty
  178. Mistress of Mistresses
  179. Tip & Run: The Untold Tragedy of the Great War in Africa
  180. The Vorrh Trilogy
  181. Tumanbey
  182. The Well of the Unicorn
  183. Joseph Wright of Derby, 'A Philosopher Lecturing on the Orrery', 1766
  184. Appian's Roman History
  185. Arkady and Boris Strugatsky's Monday Starts on Saturday
  186. Garth Nix's 'Down to the Scum Quarter'
  187. Fallen Empire
  188. The Shooting Company of Frans Banning Cocq and Willem van Ruytenburch
  189. A Tale of Two Cities
  190. Costumes from the 1883 Cambridge Greek Play production of The Birds
  191. Fading Suns
  192. Passion Plays
  193. Richard III (1995)
  194. Candide
  195. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
  196. Magical Industrial Revolution
  197. Tales from the Mausoleum Club
  198. Max Beerbohms's Seven Men and Two Others
  199. Henry Kuttner, Fury
  200. Northwest Smith
  201. Fever-Dreaming Marlinko and Slumbering Ursine Dunes
  202. The Bas-Lag Cycle
  203. The Search for Immortality: Tomb Treasures of Han China 
  204. State of Emergency
  205. The Taheiki
  206. Anvil of Ice
  207. The Cthonic Codex of Paolo Greco
  208. Thomas Hobbes, Leviathan
  209. Warhammer Fantasy
  210. A Very British Civil War
  211. Conquest: the Last Argument of Kings
  212. Demon Bone Sarcophagus
  213. Time Bandits
  214. John Dryden
  215. Hic Sunt Myrmeleones
  216. Spanish-suited playing cards
  217. They Were Defeated
  218. Lazarus and World of Lazarus
  219. The Dragon Waiting
  220. The history plays of Mike Walker
  221. The Dream of the Red Chamber
  222. Jack Vance's Emphyrio
  223. The Metabarons & The Incal
  224. Pilgrim (not the radio plays)
  225. Layer Cake
  226. The Search for the Perfect Language
  227. Dr Zhivago
  228. The Ring Cycle
  229. The High Crusade
  230. Giulio Cesare in Egitto
  231. Lord of Light
  232. Dorothy L Sayers
  233. The Papers of Samuel Marchbanks
  234. The Autocrat of the Breakfast Table
  235. The Knight in Panther Skin
  236. The Last Coin
  237. Tales of the Alhambra
  238. Middle-Earth Strategy Battle Game
  239. Mouse or Rat?
  240. An Instance of the Fingerpost, Iain Pears
  241. Conan the Barbarian
  242. Diplomacy
  243. Holinshed's Chronicles
  244. Tales of Hoffman
  245. Indo-Saracenic architecture
  246. Ely Cathedral
  247. Ronald Blythe's Akenfield
  248. Towers of Trebizond
  249. Evelyn Waugh's Helena
  250. Troika!
***
So, you've probably been cursed.

You opened the book. You touched the little statue in the dark alcove. It was something like that, surely. Now you see things.
    There's a world beyond this one. A world of constant violence, of struggle. You see men there, or things very like men. They fight and they talk: they talk about fighting, they fight about talking, they fight about fighting, they talk about talking. It's riveting, but it shouldn't be a surprise to you. The ancients, after all, could enjoy rhetoric and wrestling both.
    For a time - for a few times still - you walk the pavements, you sit at your desk, you sway in the train carriage, and there's a thrill to it. You know what's waiting for you when you close your eyes. There a world beyond this one, and there's always something happening there, monumental in every moment. The details flash into your head: place, costume, mannerisms, scene, weapons, names, faces, deeds. 
    And then you concentrate a little, and you see a little more. There's someone telling you all this. Even if there's no narrator's voice, there's a choice in what you see, what you hear. So you think about them, and maybe there isn't only one. Or maybe there wasn't ever any more. But you are locked into the deciphering process. When you sleep, when you speak, when you drink, part of you is working away at it. Work is fun: don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Labouring away at something you love is rewarding and satisfying and occasionally beautiful, and now you can do it all the time. 
    Really, you're quite lucky.
    But anyway, that part of it all aside, you also reflect on the events playing out. The characters - who fold and refold on one another, archetypes or commentaries or variations upon a source. If the things you see didn't vary so wildly in its people and moments or appear on so vast a scale, you might become dizzy with the degrees of sameness. And this too is a mystery, and thus an amusement. The ticking of your brain, as familiar and as alien as your heartbeat, or the music of the spheres, is slowly changing its rhythms to match.
    Then there's a slight change in the visions. It started with a slowing, an approach to the sort of crescendo you expect. It didn't quite stay that slow, and it didn't quite ever stop being that slow. There's an oddness to it. Figures - men - beasts - demigods - angels - circle you, warring and declaiming and crying out and beating their breasts. They clash and reset: swing, address, return. The motion round you is faster and faster, the figures ever more solid, ever better-defined in detail, ever more ready to spring to life. It is like staring at a circle of monoliths, framed gloriously against the sun, and knowing at the deepest conceivable level that these rocks will leap, will blur into sudden, astounding motion - and perhaps they did, and perhaps they did. 
    Again, you think again. You dip your head in cold water. You stretch. You ease your body. There are those sorts of problems that you need to step away from occasionally. Again, you think, again.
    It isn't like it was - well, of course it isn't! Never could be: some processes change you. Not something to lament overlong. But maybe you can capture a glimpse of what it was, once in a while. 
    Perhaps you might talk it over with someone. But this isn't really the sort of thing for polite conversation. Too much finicky background to lay out. Too much violence, too much religion, too much politics. Other people must know of it, though, mustn't they? 
    You can't recall who gave you the book. If it was a book. The picture. The play. The mezzotint. But it had to have come from somewhere. The world - this world - is not so strange that such things can creep up on you all on there own. There was a chain of cause and effect. Somebody gave you the book, long ago.
    So you search, and you do not search in vain. There are people who have seen something of what you've seen. But they won't talk about it, or they'll talk about all the wrong bits in tedious detail and in obvious ignorance of all the most vital points. The process is fruitless, and you get some very scathing looks into the bargain. 
    That doesn't matter, though. You've got work before you, and a handful of social ties to cultivate and maintain, and at the end of it all, a whole other world to go back to. 
    So you do. There's something coming, you can feel it. Something terrible and thrilling and revelatory, so literally apocalyptic, in its content and implications. 
    And then it's not there. Not there at all. Neither climax nor anticlimax, but still it persists. Believe it or not. The stone gathers neither moss nor speed, but it does keep rolling. There's a hint of tedium in the air, like the fug of men trapped too long indoors. Hell's bells, but it's dull. Still, you have to dig in. The initiate into new knowledge undergoes several trials, remember. 
    There is a biting of the bottom lip, a gnawing of fingernails, a wanness of countenance. Has someone commented on it? Vanity: most people you know have far better things to do than comment on your appearance. Whether or not they are, you apply nose to grindstone for a solid fortnight. They might call you a boring So-and-So now, but that's probably preferable than remarks about bloodshot eyes.
    You go back. You think things have changed. Perhaps they even have. Things move slowly, like a cinema reel put into a slide projector. There's a whirring from somewhere, and the sight of dust motes in a beam of light. The image is changing, slowly, resolving before your eye into what you always knew it would be. There should be comfort in that.
    The day is overcast. It is cool, but not chill. Your lunch hour is almost over. You pick up the little book from the bench, and slip it into your pocket. You'll be going back soon. 
***