Saturday 16 April 2022

We use Every Part of the Dragon

So, you've killed yourself a dragon (Ahem). Or maybe it's a sphinx. Now, you are going to want to do something with the carcass. It is well known what happens when you roast a dragon's heart, but what about the rest of it?

Sigurd sucks his burnt thumb, while Reginn sleeps. 
Carvings from the Hylestad Stave Church, photographs by Wikipedia.

Conditions: you must be the first person to taste of the dragon's heart (or other organ). If a beast larger than an ear of wheat tastes even a little of it before you do, they gain the powers mentioned below. Only one person may gain such powers from the organ in question. It must be roasted over an open fire. 

No part of a dragon prepared thus is actively poisonous, but the consumption of large quantities of dragon will cause severe (not to say fiery) indigestion.


You roast and eat....

You can now...

You might learn about...

But generally in the form of....

The Dragon's Heart

Understand the speech of the birds

Threats to your life

A smooth, unhurried radio newsreader

The Dragon's Lungs

Understand the voices of the wind

Adverse weather conditions

Hymns with too many verses

The Dragon's Liver

Understand the distant booming of the earth and rocks

Civil engineering

Blank verse

The Dragon's Stomach

Understand the speech of mammals

Threats to your sanity

A precisely-worded sermon

The Dragon's Kidneys

Understand the songs of the rivers and streams

Direct routes downhill

Patter songs

The Dragon's Intestines

Understand the creaking chorus of the trees

Threats to the environment

A local government meeting

The Dragon's Brain

Understand the speech of Dragons

Gold prices

Light opera

The Dragon's Spleen

Understand the eternal dialogue of fish

Shipwrecks

Sardonic, quip-heavy remarks

The Dragon's Pancreas

Understand the sibilant speech of reptiles

Sources of information and fresh fruit

Compact, smug, maxims

The Dragon's Sparkgland

Understand the dry monologue of flame

Things around the fire that you can't see

A theatre review

The Gods do not smile upon mixed grills or kebabs. You eat one organ at a time. Do not add any sauces or seasoning to the cooked organ, other than perhaps a little salt. 

It is generally thought that anyone who can accomplish the feat of slaying a dragon will be able to procure a suitable set of butcher's knives to joint the beast with relative ease.

An image from the 2015 film Tale of Tales

Successful dragonslayers dispute the proper drink to accompany the dish: answers vary from 'Mead' to 'Fresh stream water'. Some suggest 'Two healing potions, one drunk quickly before you eat, the other sipped slowly afterwards'. Perhaps the most popular response is 'Anything you can get your hands on'.

3 comments:

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  2. I like it. Your prize, a meal that opens doors in fate…

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    1. Didn't quite write this with my Game Design hat on, but reflecting on it, this is a more interesting set of potential rewards than 'More gold than you can carry' or a +1 sword.

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